ST. PAUL – After centuries of mild-mannered politeness, residents of Minnesota were intrigued by a new feeling—abject hatred of Arie Luyendyk Jr., who jilted his now former fiancée Becca Kufrin of Prior Lake, MN. Minnesotans from from Grand Forks to Rochester were expressing their newfound feelings of disgust.
“How could he do that?” exclaimed Valerie Magnussen, real estate agent of Minneapolis. “When you give a woman a flower on a reality show, that is a sacred bond! And Becca’s the complete package! Tall, great smile, good job. No more Minnesota nice for him. He’s going to get some Minnesota Ice-y disposition.” Ms. Magnussen immediately apologized for sounding so harsh.
State Representative Drew Christensen has already introduced a bill to ban Luyendyk from the state, which has received enthusiastic support. “It’s basically for his own protection,” said Michael Stevenson, algebra teacher at South Junior High School. “If I saw him set foot in this state, I would give him the silent treatment of a lifetime. I probably wouldn’t even hold the door if he were walking in behind me, dontcha know?”
Governor Mark Dayton apologized to the nation for being rude, and hoped that Minnesota hadn’t caused too much of a fuss. He further clarified, “Geez, I hope that pretty boy burns in heck.”