Hello again to my loyal ante-uppers and double-downers. Miles O’Malley back again with the latest info on the sports world! I’ve been betting on college kids ever since my son challenged the mailman to a pitcher race and let me tell you, it never gets better than March Madness! Thanks to me, you’re guaranteed to make at least as much as the players, so sharpen up your pencils, Irish up your coffees, and let’s get started!

NCAA Men’s Basketball

Who will win the 2018 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament?


Villanova Wildcats: 8/1

Xavier Musketeers: 14/1

Gonzaga Bulldogs: 15/1

Seton Hall Pirates: 500/1

St. Bonaventure Bonnies: 12,000/1

Providence Friars: 50,000/1

Creighton Bluejays: 70,000/1

Loyola-Chicago Ramblers: 300,000/1

Iona Gales: 6,000,000/1

MO: As you can see from the provided bracket, my money is on Villanova to repeat. Don’t count out Xavier or Gonzaga either, and the Seton Hall line is tempting if you have have the spare change. You’re probably wondering about the lines on some of the non-Catholic colleges but trust me: the smart money is not on any of them.

How far will the University of Virginia get before choking?

First round loss: 9,999/1

Second round: 5,750/1

Sweet 16: 500/1

Elite Eight: 20/1

Final Four: 7/1

Lose Championship game: 25/1

Will not choke: 900/1

MO: I personally have them dropping in the Elite Eight but I could see a Final Four failure happening too. I know some UVA fans will put a bunch of money on them winning, especially with that line, but they’re only setting themselves up for the second-worst riot Charlottesville has ever seen.

Who will be the Most Outstanding player in the 2018 tournament?

Deandre Ayton: 5/1

Marvin Bagley: 7/1

Miles Bridges: 20/1

Pablo Sanchez: 30/1

Johnny Cage: 45/1

Air Buddy: 50/1

Shorty Arbuckle: 75/1

Time-traveling LeBronn James: 100/1

Bugs Bunny: 200/1

Jontay Porter: 500/1

MO: Don’t look past Johnny Cage, whose experience with tournaments will serve him well here. Sanchez is an inhuman baseball player but I question how well that will transition to the court; we’ll likely get a reverse-Michael Jordan. I gotta pick Bagley over Ayton only because I think Duke gets farther in the tournament, giving Bagley more screen time.

How many players will be caught on camera yelling “bank”?

0-10: 7/1

11-20: 15/1

21-30: 40/1

31-50: 75/1

51-100: 100/1

101-319: 500/1

320 (every starter for every team): 25/1

MO: I’d say at least eleven kids are obnoxious enough to yell this before making a shot, and only three of them will actually be making a bank shot. They will all be white.

What Percentage of the Elite Eight will have their participation revoked by scandal?

0%: 999,999,999/1

1-25%: 3/5

26-50%: 7/1

51-75%: 20/1

76-100%: 35/1

>100% (every team in the Elite Eight and at least one from a previous round): 12/1

MO: It’s not clear when this will come to fruition, since my five year old Louisville prop bet just paid off. Unfortunately most of these kinds of bets now have a statute of limitations (thanks again, cardinals). The way things are going though, I can safely say that at least three more schools are going to be disgraced by a recruitment scandal of some kind. I’m looking at you, UPenn Quakers.

What will the majority of insults yelled at Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski focus on?

His age: 3/1

His last name looking like someone elbow-dropped a keyboard: 5/1

His marriage to a pant-suited automaton: 10/1

His poor motivational skills causing Duke’s loss in the 1994 tournament final: 17/1

His lack of appearances in the Rose Bowl: 25/1

His resemblance to Mike Wazowski: 30/1

That ‘Duke’ is one syllable away from ‘dookie’: 1/6

MO: Google Coach K’s wife and you’ll agree that most of the heat he takes will relate to her. To be fair, she looks like what would happen if Princess Elsa’s ice powers were given to Hillary Clinton.

Studs & Duds

The Washington Capitals defeated the Maple Leafs to stay perfect in outdoor games. Sébastien Bourdais proved he’s as good a driver as he is a pâtissier with a surprising victory in St. Petersburg on Sunday. The 65 bus got me home in a jaw-dropping 18 minutes, which is unheard of for public transit.

As for the duds, Canelo Álvarez reportedly failed a drug test ahead of his scheduled rematch with Gennady Glovokin (for once the Soviet didn’t dope). Shohei Ohtani got struck out by Clayton Kershaw, and Tim Tebow spoiled one of my parlays by not going 0-3 in his first Spring Training game last week. Pretty big disappointments all around.

Harness Racing Hot Tips

Be it madness or harness, you can always count on Miles to bring you the latest! Save the Shark used the Lightning Lane to spectacular effect at the Meadows, with a big win over His Excellence. Breedings to Sweet Lou and Trixton will be available for auction tomorrow, the 14th. Elmo Blatch took home a nice win at Miami Valley, making this 5 year old half brother of Walner a real late bloomer. Long Live Rock, Money Maven, and Bettor’s Edge were also winners last week.