AMERICA — Black Panther, the latest film in the Marvel Cinematic universe and first to feature a primarily African-American cast, has drummed up a lot of excitement ahead of its worldwide premier later this week. The black community in particular has voiced very high anticipation, but they aren’t alone. Despite their bigoted and hateful views, several members of the Ku-Klux Klan have admitted to genuinely looking forward to Disney’s latest superhero film.
“We’ve been due for a big screen adaptation of Black Panther for some time now,” said Vicksburg, Mississippi Klan member David Zimmerman, who asked not to be identified by name. “I’m interested to see if the producers depict Christopher Priest’s character from volume three or if they go with Reginald Hudlin’s volume four version. Maybe they’ll mix the two!” Johnson’s eyes shone with the childlike fervor of geeky excitement. “As long as they do the ‘Secret Invasion’ and ‘Nation Under Our Feet’ story arcs, I’ll be happy. Those are the best ones, in my opinion.”
Klan member Jeremy Lott, who works as a janitor at Homestead High School in Fort Wayne, Indiana, is more interested in the Hollywood aspect of the film. “It’s a very talented cast and crew,” he said. “Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, Lupita Nyong’o, Forrest Whitaker, the list goes on! This is probably the most talented single cast in any superhero movie! Also you’ve got Ryan Coogler co-writing and directing! He did great with Creed so I’m glad he’s getting a big budget film to helm. And…I’ve had a crush on Angela Bassett forever. I’d see the movie for her alone.” Lott, who had been speaking non-stop for five minutes about the cast, composed himself here. “I uh…I hate their guts though. I hope they all go back that shithole Wakanda,” he said, half-heartedly.
“I’m pumped for the soundtrack,” said local Klan leader Andy Fuhrman of 381 Speedway Lane, North Wilksboro, NC 28659. “Coogler tapped Kendrick Lamar for it, which, duh.” Fuhrman went on to espouse on Lamar’s touted musical ability. “He alone makes all the eugenics and phrenology speeches I’ve given sound like total bullshit. His last three studio albums were masterpieces, now he’s getting into the soundtrack game.” Lamar’s soundtrack was released on February 9th to positive reviews. “I’d give him a Grammy for it,” said Fuhrman. “But if these last awards were any indication, the Recording Academy hates Kendrick even more than the Klan does!” Fuhrman concluded the interview by returning to his front window, resuming a lookout for his long-lost job at the local coal mine.
Despite being excited for different aspects of the film, every interviewee agreed on one thing. “If it’s bad,” muttered Zimmerman, “it’s [former President Barack] Obama’s fault.”
I’m friggin DEAD LOL