NEW YORK – The UN General Assembly overwhelmingly voted to admit the Great Pacific Garbage Patch (GPGP) as its newest member. Recent studies indicating the GPGP’s growing influence prompted the Security Council to finally approve the application and pave the way for the General Assembly vote. The studies revealed the GPGP now covers an area three times the size of France. In the last few years, the new member’s makeup has trended away from smaller plastics towards larger debris. “We’ve come so far. But we could be so much more, and we need the international community’s help,” implored GPGP representative Oscar the Grouch in his first address.

Oscar became the latest representative clamoring for the UN to increase commitments in the fight against climate change. While other island nations are truly concerned that rising sea levels could erase their countries, the GPGP faces a unique threat. Despite exponential trash growth rates, the GPGP still struggles with garbage cohesiveness on the surface. In the short term, climate change could alter ocean currents that caused the debris to accumulate in the first place. “A beautiful trash vortex will disperse into just normal flotsam and jetsam,” Oscar warned. In the long term, rising sea levels could also threaten the GPGP’s growth. A considerable amount of garbage may have sunk to the seafloor, and rising sea levels would further delay the sub-surface trash heap’s ability to finally emerge as a garbage island.

If the international community remains slow to act, Oscar revealed the GPGP would turn to powerful countries. “Probably China,” he acknowledged. “We already know how President Trump feels about refugees from countries he thinks are garbage.”