COOPERSTOWN MAYBE, OR THE FIELDS OF NEBRASKA, OR THE COBBLESTONE STREETS OF BROOKLYN, OR REALLY ANYWHERE ACROSS THIS GREAT LAND—A report released Thursday on the bootstrap initiative of fellow Americans like you and me revealed a startling finding regarding the recent and rapid rise throughout these United States in seemingly random effusions of lyrical appreciations for the great game of baseball. Sources confirmed, with a twinkle in their eyes, that a link has been found to baseball’s Opening Day.
“Yes, it may come as a shock to some that something so seemingly trivial, so pure and innocent as a child’s game could stir such emotion in the breasts of hardworking Americans, but it’s true enough. The 2018 baseball season is finally here, and if you but close your eyes, hear the unmistakable crack of bat on ball, smell the hot dogs, feel the warmth of the early summer sun […] you’ll believe it, too,” reads a brief excerpt of the abstract. The report goes on to further conclude that, whatever may be happening in this country, whatever may seem like it divides us, is superficial: “None of this matters on the diamond, with the grass beneath your feet, not yet fully dried from the dewfall, and the reassuring feel of worn leather on your hand […] For baseball brings out the best in us, realizes the better angels of our nature.”
Recommendations for further research include sitting outside in your shirtsleeves to take in a game, learning the ancient calligraphic art of scorekeeping, and appreciating the elegant beauty in something as simple as a two-seam fastball in the literally timeless duel between pitcher and batter, where all else falls away.