After several seasons spent in relative anonymity, the New York Yankees sensed the weakened state of the MLB order upon entering the 2017 playoffs as a Wild Card. Having progressed all the way to within one game of a World Series berth, it became all too clear that Major League Baseball had become enfeebled and complacent while it believed the Yankees to be permanently vanquished.

Sources revealed details of private conversations held deep in the bowels of Yankee Stadium, in which General Manager Brian Cashman declared to a beshadowed figure, “At last we will reveal ourselves to the MLB. At last we will have revenge.” Shortly thereafter, the Yankees traded Starlin Castro and two low-level prospects to the Miami Marlins for Giancarlo Stanton, a slugger of immense power reported to have the highest dollar count ever seen in an American sporting contract.

News of the trade spread quickly throughout the Major Leagues. “Our worst fears have been realized,” said Billy Beane of the Oakland Athletics. “We must move quickly if the MLB order is to survive.” The MLB has experienced years of labor peace and prosperity fueled by lucrative TV contracts, and had believed Baseball to be in a state of competitive balance. But nonetheless rumors have persisted of a Yankee Captain corrupting the game from within. At press time, MLB executives were still feverishly seeking the hidden Yankee’s identity.

Asked to comment on the one-sided terms of the trade, recently minted Marlins owner Derek Jeter replied only, “Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.”