“Black Friday” has a new meaning: In a truly dark day for peace on earth, Christmas opened a new front against New Year’s. Nutcracker shock troops are advancing eastwards across the frozen terrain in the holiday’s latest attempt to extend influence.
Yuletide expansion is the byproduct of a ruthless drive to collect resources. Territorial consolidation first focused on similar seasonal holidays. Hanukkah suffered systematic looting and oppression under the guise of righting economic issues. Christmas also claimed St. Nicholas’s Day and its associated presents, citing shared heritage.
Other major holidays initially appeased the “creep” to avoid a major confrontation, but their stance did not last. As tensions increased, Father Christmas negotiated the Yuletide-New Year non-aggression pact. In secret, the two ideologically dissimilar holidays also agreed to split occupation of Kwanzaa. Thanksgiving and Halloween both had alliances with the relatively new holiday and had pledged to uphold its independence. By the time hostilities broke out, though, it was too late. Kwanzaa fell quickly, and Christmas turned its western creep into an all-out blitz that overwhelmed Thanksgiving. Under Yuletide occupation, the November holiday must now harbor elite divisions of Christmas trees and broadcast incessant carol propaganda.
The development introduces a new wrinkle in a conflict that could still swing either way. While Christmas has established dominion over Thanksgiving, a stalemate with Halloween persists. Launching a new offensive requires shifting resources away from the western front. The attack’s timing is also surprising: Marching on New Year’s will grow more difficult as model train supply lines stretch and temperatures fall. New Year’s resources, while frequently cheap and tacky, are nevertheless plentiful enough to mount a stiff resistance. If the advance stalls, continual resupply could exacerbate shortages elsewhere. Furthermore, the powerful but distant Fourth of July remains neutral. Recent transmission intercepts, however, suggest a possible “Christmas in July” plot. In the event of a surprise attack, Independence Day would likely join the war on Christmas.
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