Multiple groups are optimistically interpreting the encroaching Void’s ground-breaking proclamation as support for social equality movements. “I do not discriminate,” the vast emptiness asserted. “All beings are equal for me.” The message heard around the world also offered certainty in uncertain times: “My appetite knows no bounds. Soon, I will consume all.”

While popular cleavages dominate headlines, the omnipresent proclamation resonated with many listeners. “I’m actually really relieved,” shouted Vivian Andrews, a marketing assistant, as she fell into the inky black expanse. “Now I don’t have to compare my pay against my coworkers’!” Some, however, are less enthused about bridging gulfs. Investment Banker Chad Dickson clawed at the brink, wailing, “I’m not ready to be with poor people!”

Indeed, the Void’s rapid opening of chasms in population centers promises swift systemic changes. The things that currently divide us will soon be immaterial. Race, politics, sexual orientation, and gender are some of the many distinctions that will have no bearing on the eternal Void’s inevitable embrace.