This morning, the personal attorney for President Trump, Michael Cohen, issued a statement to the Senate Intelligence Committee stating that he could not have had any dealings or collaboration with the government of Russia, as the Russian Federation has never been proven to exist. “I have never engaged with, been paid by, paid for, or conversed with, or have any evidence of, any member of the Russian Federation,” said Cohen. “No one is sure what happened when the Soviet Union collapsed. Any suggestion that the land east of Europe and north of Mongolia became a democracy that eventually returned to extreme nationalism, scapegoating, and media manipulation at home and abroad is conjecture and hearsay.”
“Given my own proximity to the President of the United States during his historic and tremendous campaign,” added Cohen, “let me also say that I never saw anything – not a hint of anything – that demonstrated his involvement in Russian interference in our election, any form of Russian collusion, or the existence of a nation-state that is controlled by a former KGB leader who is well known for his deft use of Komprimat and false narratives, and who is known for using these tactics to undermine and manipulate elections to his benefit.”
When asked for response, Senate Intelligence Committee Chairman Richard Burr (R-NC) said, “We will have to wait for all the facts to come out,” while Vice-Chairman Mark Warner (D-VA) beat his head against the desk until he lost consciousness.