Washington, D.C.

Citing the brisk air and the hint of the leaves starting to turn in the nation’s capital, employees of the Russian Embassy today announced that they were having an impromptu bonfire. “It really was last minute,” said Vasilia Petrov, Cultural Affairs Assistant and Nothing Else. “We just used whatever scraps of paper we had lying around in our filing cabinets.”

“I love the arrival of fall,” added Petyr Sokolov, Diplomat with No Connection to the Foreign Intelligence Service, as he stoked the embers, making sure all legible materials had burned. “The crisp mornings, the pumpkin spiced lattes. And who doesn’t love Halloween?”

To further promote community outreach, Sokolov said the Embassy is working on science demonstrations with local schools. “We’re primarily interested in the effects of hydrochloric acid on hard drives.”