The recent tragedy in Florida with Stoneman Douglas High School has left 17 students and adults dead in an all too familiar scene in America. As chants for gun control reform erupt again in the US, politicians will likely pussy out and not do anything and hide their bitch asses behind the NRA until the media talks about something else.
Predictably, state politicians in Florida have decided that declaring porn as a “health risk” is actually more important and vital to the nation’s security rather than you know…. preventing people and school children from getting shot.
Admittedly, yours truly has been away from the United States for the last 3 years working in India. Working with a very different culture from your own for the last 3 years has taught me to weigh and consider others’ opinions a lot more despite it sounding weird or odd. Thus, in an attempt to understand this issue and understand our mentally retarded and/or greedy politicians, I’ve decided to analyze the pros and cons of porn and guns.
After countless hours of hard work, an open mind, and a lot of porn and guns, I have come to the conclusion that porn is undoubtedly way better than guns. Like it’s way safer, more fun, and quite frankly more necessary and awesome than guns. Thus, below is the results of my research and 69 reasons why porn is better than guns.
Hopefully this research can be used with our nation’s politicians to get them to take some action on gun control and get them to (pun intended) stop fucking us on porn. Because at the end of the day, we all need to stop getting shot, and continue to jerk off because the world would be a better place if all that happened more.
NSFW: 69 Reasons Porn is Better than Guns (Yeaaahhhh!):
- Number of deaths caused by guns in the USA for 2018 – 2087 and counting. Number of deaths caused by watching porn in 2018 – 0… Fun fact, in 2016 there were 2 deaths. One guy from Michigan who died watching porn while driving. Another guy from NYC died from a heart attack caused by masturbating to porn. 2016 was a deadly porn year.
- Number of children and teenagers (ages 17 and under) killed by guns in the USA for 2018 – 476. Number of children and teenagers killed by porn in the USA – 0…. But there’s probably going to be a lot of virgins who’ll try some weird shit the first time though! You know… like thinking spitting on your dick before penetration is a good idea. “Life’s a bitch, gotta keep her wet”. No… spitting on your dick doesn’t work gentlemen… it doesn’t get women “wet”. It’ll just cause you to maintain your virginity a little or a lot longer.
- The most fun you can legally have in America with a gun is unloading your ammo on inanimate objects. The most fun you can legally have in America watching porn is watching others unload their ammo on willing adult female, male, or hermaphroditic partners (I got you non-cisgender peeps!).
- Money Shots with guns can have harmful effects
Money Shots with Porn can have some charmful effects
- Countries that have banned porn: Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Syria, China, North Korea, Vietnam, Cuba. Countries that have relatively strict gun control laws: Almost every other developed democratic country in the world.
- President Trump gives “Thoughts and Prayers” in response to multiple mass shootings, yet coughs up $130,000 after one fling with a porn star. Clearly porn is worth more to him too!
- Which would you prefer to be part of, a mass shooting or an ass shooting?
- Which is better? Getting shot in the ass by a gun? Or getting a shot of an ass in a porno?
- Sarah Palin with Guns:
Porn with Sarah Palin: 
- Aftermath of Police Shootings in Real Life:
Aftermath of Police Shootings in Porn: 
- Estimates of net worth of gun industry – $31.8 billion. Estimates of net worth of porn industry – $97 billion dollars. Porn makes 3 times more money for our country than guns do!!!
- What an NRA convention looks like:
What an AVN convention looks like: 
- Cocking a Gun:
Coxing in…. general (There’s a porn for everything!) 
- Superimposing guns on Hitler:
Superimposing porn on Hitler: 
- Average price of a gun in the USA – $400 – $1000. Average price of porn in USA – If you’re still spending money on porn you should take $400 – $1000, purchase a gun legally (which is super easy, unregulated, and requires little to no background check!) and shoot yourself. Seriously? Who pays for porn these days?
- Percentage of households who own guns in 2017 – 42%. Percentage of households who consume porn – pretty much 100%… like no lie… they tried conducting studies on men who haven’t watched porn and literally couldn’t find any – 100% of People with Dicks Watch Porn.
- For the ladies…. Joseph Gordon Levitt with a gun:
Joseph Gordon Levitt with porn: 
- Russian Roulette:
Chat Roulette: 
- Pirates with Guns:
Porn with Pirates: 
- Gang bangers with guns:
Porn with Gang bangers: 
- It’s not about the size, buuttt… Average barrel length of a full size 9mm handgun: 4 – 4.5 inches. Average penis size of a porn star: 7.5 – 8 inches. Super effective!
- Bullet penetration leads to massive internal injuries. Porn penetration leads to massive internal pleasure 😉
- BBC coverage of guns in America:
BBC coverage of America in Porn terms: 
- Teachers with Guns:
Porn with Teachers: 
- Extended magazines on handguns:
Magazines for “extending a hand” 
- Right to bare arms:
Right to bare all: 
27 – 68. It is at this point of my study into countless hours of porn (research purposes only) and gun statistics that I reached a critical juncture that greatly altered the course of events for this report. The turning point of my research, my battle of the bulge of sorts. My angel, my true love, my Bulge Khalifa. Mia Khalifa, please marry me!!! Oh and someone in America for FUCK’S SAKE GET SOME GUN CONTROL AND STOP TRYING TO TOUCH MY PORN!!!! 
69. The journey ends here unfortunately. This is where yours truly found out that Mia Khalifa no longer does porn 😦 A sad loss for our world indeed. Nontheless, there’s no better way to end this than below, Mia Khalifa’s gun: 
Mia Khalifa’s guns 🙂 
Fuck the NRA, fuck politicians, and watch porn… and literally fuck yourself or some other consenting person! Porn > Guns
The Sidebar 
This makes more sense to me than teachers with guns.
This makes more sense to me than teachers with guns.
THIS MAKES MORE SE- *head explodes*
Also that poor bastard who died while driving/watching porn.
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